"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Maya Angelou
I carry you with me into the world,
into the smell of rain
& the words that dance between people
& for me, it will always be this way,
walking in the light,
remembering being alive together
I held her close for only a short time, but after she was gone, I'd see her smile on the face of a perfect stranger & I knew she would be there with me all the rest of my days.
It is still so new & all we see is the empty space, but that is not how it is in the landscape of the heart. There, there is no empty space & she still laughs & grapples with ideas & plans & nods wisely with each of us in turn. We are proud to have known her. We are proud to have called her friend.
Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, "you owe me". Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.
-Hafiz
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Life as of Lately
Let's see...
School is going well. Only taking four classes, the way I like it. I'm taking:
Social Welfare Policies and Services
Human Behavior in the Social Environment
Philosophies and Religions of India
Race Relations
My policy and philsophy classes are the most challenging. The Philosophy class is my first 400 level course and it's so much reading that I think I'll need glasses by the end of the semester.
I moved onto Market street at the beginning of August. I like being in town because if I'm bored I can walk out of my front door and there is always something to do. Yesterday was the restaurant festival where they shut down Gay street and the restaurants all set up stands and hand out free food. I missed it, though, because it was the Eagles first game, but they only disappointed me.
I've been searching everywhere for a job! The bad economy is affecting me in this aspect because it is really impossible to get hired right now. I know a few other people trying to find jobs who have not had luck for months like me. I've applied at restaurants, salons, rec centers, banks, you name it. I did find a job opportunity on Craigslist but it is in Malvern and thats about twenty-thirty minutes from here so I don't think it'd be worth minimum wage. Sigh..
Although times have been hard recently because of my lack of money/food, I've had a lot of help from friends. My mom has been struggling herself but manages to give me twenty dollars every now and then if I don't have any food left and she got me a meal plan (although its the lowest one) but it does help out to have a free meal every other day or so. Yesterday Kyle gave me a huge box full of canned foods, vegetables, pasta, etc. that will probably last me two to three weeks. I'm learning how to manage my money when it comes to food and only buying things that can be used for multiple meals. So...I can't complain, really.
More to come later, maybe.
School is going well. Only taking four classes, the way I like it. I'm taking:
Social Welfare Policies and Services
Human Behavior in the Social Environment
Philosophies and Religions of India
Race Relations
My policy and philsophy classes are the most challenging. The Philosophy class is my first 400 level course and it's so much reading that I think I'll need glasses by the end of the semester.
I moved onto Market street at the beginning of August. I like being in town because if I'm bored I can walk out of my front door and there is always something to do. Yesterday was the restaurant festival where they shut down Gay street and the restaurants all set up stands and hand out free food. I missed it, though, because it was the Eagles first game, but they only disappointed me.
I've been searching everywhere for a job! The bad economy is affecting me in this aspect because it is really impossible to get hired right now. I know a few other people trying to find jobs who have not had luck for months like me. I've applied at restaurants, salons, rec centers, banks, you name it. I did find a job opportunity on Craigslist but it is in Malvern and thats about twenty-thirty minutes from here so I don't think it'd be worth minimum wage. Sigh..
Although times have been hard recently because of my lack of money/food, I've had a lot of help from friends. My mom has been struggling herself but manages to give me twenty dollars every now and then if I don't have any food left and she got me a meal plan (although its the lowest one) but it does help out to have a free meal every other day or so. Yesterday Kyle gave me a huge box full of canned foods, vegetables, pasta, etc. that will probably last me two to three weeks. I'm learning how to manage my money when it comes to food and only buying things that can be used for multiple meals. So...I can't complain, really.
More to come later, maybe.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Its been awhile.
When I first met him, I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there'd be room for him to stay.
Its hard to update anymore because when your heart is broken, there is nothing else to write about.
Its hard to update anymore because when your heart is broken, there is nothing else to write about.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thoughts
Thursday and Friday were horrible horrible days for me. How did everything seem to be under control then all of a sudden snowball into this? Friday morning around 3:30am, my friend from work's house caught on fire. She lost her eighteen month old baby boy in the fire. My heart is broken for her. Last week she was telling me how adorable he was at the bowling alley and how he would push the ball down the lane and then chase after it. I can't stop thinking about her and how she must be feeling. His funeral is on Tuesday and I'm going to go with Lex. This will be the third funeral for a child under the age of seven that I've been to in the past five years.
Everyone, please make sure you put smoke alarms in your house, and if you already have them- test the batteries. And please keep my friend in your thoughts. I can't imagine what she is dealing with right this second.
Everyone, please make sure you put smoke alarms in your house, and if you already have them- test the batteries. And please keep my friend in your thoughts. I can't imagine what she is dealing with right this second.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
kfc
KFC mashed potatoes and gravy have saved my day. It was really horrible, actually. Probably the worst day I've had this school year, definitely in 2009. BUT comfort food and roommates know how to make me happy. And once again, I'm so lucky to have friends in times like this.
This post is pretty pointless. Sorry.I always X them out but I think I'll just post this one.
This post is pretty pointless. Sorry.I always X them out but I think I'll just post this one.
Monday, March 9, 2009
OBX, coincidences and John Lennon
Spring break is officially over. I went to the Outer banks with my roommates Erin and Kristina and our two friends Kyle and Rodney. We had a good time.
I've been noticing a lot of coincidences/deja vu type events. For example, while driving back from North Carolina on Saturday, I kept realizing that I was always the last one. There were never cars behind me but always cars in front of me. Whenever I stopped at a light, I would be fourth or fifth in line but ALWAYS last. I focused on being the last car a little obsessively, as I kept checking my mirrors at every light or stop to see if anyone was going to come up behind me. I didn't say anything to Rodney or Kristina, though. Then yesterday, I was riding in the passenger's seat of my friend Kyle's truck and he pointed out that he is always the last car to be waiting at lights...that he always thinks about how weird it is that cars are always in front of him and never behind him. I was so shocked to hear him say that that I basically screamed ME TOO!
One of the days I was in OBX, I was relaxing and "getting profound". I found myself thinking about what are the biggest effects our environment has on people which lead me to think about exposure. I thought about censorship and what types of things I was/was not exposed to as a child. I remembered watching the Columbine shooting live at Miss. Jean's (my babysitter) house. I thought about how seeing that at nine years old may or may not have been right. Then, about an hour later, we turned on the tv to find a special on E about the most brutal public shoot-outs in our country's past. Columbine was ranked second while Virginia Tech came in first. It was really uncanny, though, because I rarely ever think about Columbine anymore.
This isn't coincidental or anything, but driving back from OBX I saw a man walking on an overpass. I was looking at him from far away because he was walking pretty slow looking up at the sky. He stopped in the middle and looked down right as I was about to drive under him and he looked exactly like John Lennon! He had the round glasses, the long hair, facial hair..but too bad he died in 1980 and even if he hadn't, he wouldn't look like he did in his thirties! But, some part of me likes to think that maybe it was him.
Even though most of you don't know why, please send me some luck today!
I've been noticing a lot of coincidences/deja vu type events. For example, while driving back from North Carolina on Saturday, I kept realizing that I was always the last one. There were never cars behind me but always cars in front of me. Whenever I stopped at a light, I would be fourth or fifth in line but ALWAYS last. I focused on being the last car a little obsessively, as I kept checking my mirrors at every light or stop to see if anyone was going to come up behind me. I didn't say anything to Rodney or Kristina, though. Then yesterday, I was riding in the passenger's seat of my friend Kyle's truck and he pointed out that he is always the last car to be waiting at lights...that he always thinks about how weird it is that cars are always in front of him and never behind him. I was so shocked to hear him say that that I basically screamed ME TOO!
One of the days I was in OBX, I was relaxing and "getting profound". I found myself thinking about what are the biggest effects our environment has on people which lead me to think about exposure. I thought about censorship and what types of things I was/was not exposed to as a child. I remembered watching the Columbine shooting live at Miss. Jean's (my babysitter) house. I thought about how seeing that at nine years old may or may not have been right. Then, about an hour later, we turned on the tv to find a special on E about the most brutal public shoot-outs in our country's past. Columbine was ranked second while Virginia Tech came in first. It was really uncanny, though, because I rarely ever think about Columbine anymore.
This isn't coincidental or anything, but driving back from OBX I saw a man walking on an overpass. I was looking at him from far away because he was walking pretty slow looking up at the sky. He stopped in the middle and looked down right as I was about to drive under him and he looked exactly like John Lennon! He had the round glasses, the long hair, facial hair..but too bad he died in 1980 and even if he hadn't, he wouldn't look like he did in his thirties! But, some part of me likes to think that maybe it was him.
Even though most of you don't know why, please send me some luck today!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
101 Things About Me
Everyone else is doing it!
1. I only like even numbers, although the number 21 has always been appealing to me (not because of the age)
2. I drive a two-door toyota echo- it looks like a spaceship on the inside but everyone tells me the outside resembles me. i didnt use to agree but i'm starting to.
3. My favorite classes always tend to be the ones I get the most work in- guess thats a good thing though!
4. I got fired from my last job at saladworks but i like my new job a lot more.
5. I used to love winter/snow/everything else it entails but after this winter i HATE it and realize I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder.
6. I started eating bacon- I like turkey bacon more though.
7. A lot of people think I have a weird "diet" but its really that I'm just a picky eater.
8. I absolutely hate the texture of cooked mushrooms in my mouth.
9. This Valentines Day was the first time I've ever received anything from a guy. I got a dozen of roses and a really soft puppet that sings "Love Will Keep Us Together" its adorable
10. I never was interested in motorcycles until more recently and now i'm sure that i want to own one. the high i get from riding on a motorcycle doesnt compare to any other.
11. I have never truly worked my HARDEST until this year of school. Last semester I got great grades and this semester I think they'll be just as good if not better.
12. I never knew that improving my grades would make me have a better self-image.
13. I can see the football stadium from my living room window (i'm looking at it now) but i've only been to ONE football game since ive been here at west chester.
14. I do not download music illegally. *this was gills but true for me too!
15. I learned Plato's Theory of Forms in my philosophy class this semester. I think about what he stated in his theory ALL THE TIME before I knew it was his.
16. I keep 42 cents in each pocket of my coat. You have no idea how many times that 84 cents has saved me!
17. I'm dating someone 5 years older than me.
18. I love McDonalds breakfast!
19. Money is my biggest stress.
20. I hope to be as good of a mom as mine is and unintentionally think at least once a day about how to be a good mom.
21. A girl that lives in my apartment building, whose name I don't even know, has been heard saying bad things about me multiple times. I dont know why she doesn't like me, we've never talked past hellos and I always try to be friendly, but last night I confronted her for the first time. The whole situation is strange. I didnt know college had bullies? haha
22. Right now there is no where legal for me to park my car at school so I move it close to three times a day to avoid towing or a ticket. its becoming a little ridiculous.
23. i should be doing school work right now, but i feel like this is a good way to release some stress so i'm not worrying about it.
24. I loved my public speaking class but hate publicly speaking.
25. Grottos pizza is my favorite kind.
26. I eat subs (hoagies) like its my job. I love turkey BLTs and just cheese subs the most.
27. Two of my favorite places to be in the world are located in my small, home state of Delaware.
28. They are valley gardens (wait, i'm just realizing, this may be in PA, oops!) and on the dock behind the Bay Resort in Rehobeth beach, DE.
29. I feel most at home when on the Chesapeake Bay.
30. I've had my breath taken away more times by nature than by people. Sunsets tend to do it.
31. I LOVE chicken salad, gill!
32. I often worry about where my next meal will come from- no lie...which relates back to my number one stress of money.
33. I love Law and Order SVU...the guy i'm seeing is the only other person i know who has seen every episode!
34. Clarification: he isn't my boyfriend, we are best friends who are very attracted to one another but i'm totes okay with that :)
35. I really like General Tso's chicken with vegetable fried rice.
36. My shower curtain has bamboo on it
37. I started this three days ago and just now got back to it.
38. When I was really young, probably 7 or 8, I always wanted to be Ginger from Gilligan's Island.
39. I never liked drinking milk much until recently.
40. I like listening to talk shows on the radio in the morning.
41. I keep a stereo in my bathroom and almost always listen to music while I'm showering (and sing along!)
42. I can't imagine what I'd do without my mom...she keeps me grounded and is my best friend.
43. I would much rather stay in with a cup of tea and snuggle while watching a movie then go out or drink on any given night.
44. My favorite drink by FAR is a vanilla chai tea latte and always will be...nothing compares!
45. I got in a car accident two weeks ago in the snow. She hit me on 202, but I only told three people and didn't call the police because she was so apologetic and her car was much more damaged than mine. I have a lot of pity for strangers.
46. A man in his late seventies or eighties asked me for my number in the most non-creepy, cutest way while I was working on Sunday night. When I declined and said I couldn't give it out to customers, he handed me a five dollar tip instead. Adorable!
47. That's another thing- I have a huge soft spot for old men. Love em!
48. I cannot WAIT to travel after college and want to dedicate at least a year to it (if I have the money which is a slim chance!)
49. I hate thongs and don't care if you can see my underwear line...whats the big deal??
50. Today I'm getting my hair cut and debating either a trim or a major cut of 7 to 8 inches.
51. Right now I have a 97% in my hardest class, but B's or A-'s in my easier ones because I put most of my effort into the first!
52. I love candles. There is something I find so relaxing about the shadows they cast on walls. When I was a kid, I would burn little tea-light candles almost every night.
53. One time I caught my book shelf on fire by leaving a candle burning while I was out on the balcony of my mom's old apartment.
54. I moved a good bit as a kid, but the home I grew up the most in (on Knowles Road) we moved out of when my parents divorced...the new family moving in was of a girl in my class and I became extremely jealous of her and always held that against her throughout the rest of my school years.
55. Before we moved out, I signed my name in my bedroom closet with a Sharpie marker really small in the corner. I wonder if its still there.
56. This morning I did a little shopping at Rite-Aid..I put 75% off clearance stickers on half of the stuff I bought that I took off of other items..it worked but now I feel a little guilty! (I saved over 17 bucks!)
57. I have a really bad stereotype against cops that I need to work on.
58. I like to reminisce about the past a little too much.
59. I'm dying to get another tattoo, but forcing myself to wait until I'm sure of what I want.
60. My sister is coming home for spring break next wednesday and I'm really excited to hang out with her! (and Em of course!!)
61. I've never cracked my fingers but one of my friends always does it for me and I freak out.
62. I have been having a recurring dream about a guy wearing a red shirt/red baseball cap driving a red car and his name is Jason. I don't know any Jasons though!
63. M.A.S.H. was always a big show in my house..my dad and his dad both love the show. My grandfather even has a big M.A.S.H. poster framed in his bedroom!
64. I had a beta fish named Tupac who turned evil after I forgot to feed him a few times..or a week.. but anyways, our relationship was so bad that I had to give him to my roommate to keep.
65. I really like singing and wish I had a better voice.
66. I hate having cold feet and hands!
67. Last night I was at the Abington YMCA and tons of old memories rushed back to me of old winter rallies.
68. The other night at work I balanced my boss's check book. Strange? I think..
69. I LOVE boats but have a huge fear of the ocean. The fear has more to do with waves than the ocean itself.
70. When I was 13, I saw a girl run out of the ocean with a huge jelly-fish covering her whole face.
71. Weird things happen to me and my family on a regular basis. Really weird things.
72. I love sports and miss playing one.
73. I get really irritated when there isn't anything good to listen to in the car.
74. My bellybutton ring fell out a few weeks ago and I didn't buy a new one because I feel like I grew out of it.
75. I'm very picky about what I put on my set of keys. The only things other than keys that are on the rings are a leather keychain Nick Fortunatus bought for me in Capri, Italy, the keychain I gave out for my last vesper, and a silver whistle Nick Wood gave me my senior year.
76. I know a good bit about music thanks to my Dad.
77. I'm craving a bobby- for those of you who don't know its a thanksgiving hoagie with turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce!
78. My middle name is Amanda, but when I meet Amandas I never think of that.
79. I'm not worried about getting older...I think of all the fun things like cooking big Thanksgiving dinners for my extended family (see- cant get thanksgiving food off my mind!!)
80. I get irritated easily and am trying to work on that.
81. It scares my cat when i crack my back because its so loud.
82. Lavender is one of my favorite scents.
83. One of my biggest weaknesses has to do with E.L. Fudge cookies. And now they make them double-stuffed!
84. I'm a very observant person and usually notice when someone in my class got their hair cut, a new bag, etc.
85. Mr. Smith, my junior year English teacher, was one of the best teachers I've ever had even though I hated the class.
86. In the 80's, America was ranked 3rd for having the smartest population in the world. Since then, we've dropped all the way back to 18th. I know thats not a fact about me but I think a lot about why that is.
87. I'm about to dye my hair out of a box (which I got on sale thanks to those clearance stickers! ha)
88. I usually really like cafeteria or hospital food and lucky for me I'm meeting my mom at Riddle today to have lunch! haha
89. I'm still very very bitter about whoever stole my iPod..AT PACAA. If your out there- it is greatly missed and Karma will be after you.
90. My favorite colors to wear are navy, brown and black. I don't like wearing colors.
91. I think ivory is the most beautiful color for a dress. I can't imagine when I have to pick out my wedding dress..its going to take months.
92. I love Girl Scout cookies!
93. There is some kind of freedom I always feel while being in the air on a plane.
94. I don't like the way my voice sounds recorded or on the phone.
95. I really like my first name. I think it fits me well and I might use it as a middle name if I have a daughter someday.
96. My pinky/ring finger nails are stronger than the rest and always long while the other ones barely have any white.
97. Every day I find something in nature to appreciate. We live in a beautiful world.
98. I don't like to text unless I'm super bored...I'd much rather talk on the phone.
99. I have a huge obsession with Dunkin Donuts and cant wait to try the new waffle bacon egg and cheese sandwhich!!
100. One of my favorite quotes comes from a Styx song, "Just remember that it's a grand illusion and deep inside we're all the same." called The Grand Illusion. Its a classic but check it out if you don't know it!
101. I'm really proud of the fact that it only took me two tries to complete this because I get bored very easily!
1. I only like even numbers, although the number 21 has always been appealing to me (not because of the age)
2. I drive a two-door toyota echo- it looks like a spaceship on the inside but everyone tells me the outside resembles me. i didnt use to agree but i'm starting to.
3. My favorite classes always tend to be the ones I get the most work in- guess thats a good thing though!
4. I got fired from my last job at saladworks but i like my new job a lot more.
5. I used to love winter/snow/everything else it entails but after this winter i HATE it and realize I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder.
6. I started eating bacon- I like turkey bacon more though.
7. A lot of people think I have a weird "diet" but its really that I'm just a picky eater.
8. I absolutely hate the texture of cooked mushrooms in my mouth.
9. This Valentines Day was the first time I've ever received anything from a guy. I got a dozen of roses and a really soft puppet that sings "Love Will Keep Us Together" its adorable
10. I never was interested in motorcycles until more recently and now i'm sure that i want to own one. the high i get from riding on a motorcycle doesnt compare to any other.
11. I have never truly worked my HARDEST until this year of school. Last semester I got great grades and this semester I think they'll be just as good if not better.
12. I never knew that improving my grades would make me have a better self-image.
13. I can see the football stadium from my living room window (i'm looking at it now) but i've only been to ONE football game since ive been here at west chester.
14. I do not download music illegally. *this was gills but true for me too!
15. I learned Plato's Theory of Forms in my philosophy class this semester. I think about what he stated in his theory ALL THE TIME before I knew it was his.
16. I keep 42 cents in each pocket of my coat. You have no idea how many times that 84 cents has saved me!
17. I'm dating someone 5 years older than me.
18. I love McDonalds breakfast!
19. Money is my biggest stress.
20. I hope to be as good of a mom as mine is and unintentionally think at least once a day about how to be a good mom.
21. A girl that lives in my apartment building, whose name I don't even know, has been heard saying bad things about me multiple times. I dont know why she doesn't like me, we've never talked past hellos and I always try to be friendly, but last night I confronted her for the first time. The whole situation is strange. I didnt know college had bullies? haha
22. Right now there is no where legal for me to park my car at school so I move it close to three times a day to avoid towing or a ticket. its becoming a little ridiculous.
23. i should be doing school work right now, but i feel like this is a good way to release some stress so i'm not worrying about it.
24. I loved my public speaking class but hate publicly speaking.
25. Grottos pizza is my favorite kind.
26. I eat subs (hoagies) like its my job. I love turkey BLTs and just cheese subs the most.
27. Two of my favorite places to be in the world are located in my small, home state of Delaware.
28. They are valley gardens (wait, i'm just realizing, this may be in PA, oops!) and on the dock behind the Bay Resort in Rehobeth beach, DE.
29. I feel most at home when on the Chesapeake Bay.
30. I've had my breath taken away more times by nature than by people. Sunsets tend to do it.
31. I LOVE chicken salad, gill!
32. I often worry about where my next meal will come from- no lie...which relates back to my number one stress of money.
33. I love Law and Order SVU...the guy i'm seeing is the only other person i know who has seen every episode!
34. Clarification: he isn't my boyfriend, we are best friends who are very attracted to one another but i'm totes okay with that :)
35. I really like General Tso's chicken with vegetable fried rice.
36. My shower curtain has bamboo on it
37. I started this three days ago and just now got back to it.
38. When I was really young, probably 7 or 8, I always wanted to be Ginger from Gilligan's Island.
39. I never liked drinking milk much until recently.
40. I like listening to talk shows on the radio in the morning.
41. I keep a stereo in my bathroom and almost always listen to music while I'm showering (and sing along!)
42. I can't imagine what I'd do without my mom...she keeps me grounded and is my best friend.
43. I would much rather stay in with a cup of tea and snuggle while watching a movie then go out or drink on any given night.
44. My favorite drink by FAR is a vanilla chai tea latte and always will be...nothing compares!
45. I got in a car accident two weeks ago in the snow. She hit me on 202, but I only told three people and didn't call the police because she was so apologetic and her car was much more damaged than mine. I have a lot of pity for strangers.
46. A man in his late seventies or eighties asked me for my number in the most non-creepy, cutest way while I was working on Sunday night. When I declined and said I couldn't give it out to customers, he handed me a five dollar tip instead. Adorable!
47. That's another thing- I have a huge soft spot for old men. Love em!
48. I cannot WAIT to travel after college and want to dedicate at least a year to it (if I have the money which is a slim chance!)
49. I hate thongs and don't care if you can see my underwear line...whats the big deal??
50. Today I'm getting my hair cut and debating either a trim or a major cut of 7 to 8 inches.
51. Right now I have a 97% in my hardest class, but B's or A-'s in my easier ones because I put most of my effort into the first!
52. I love candles. There is something I find so relaxing about the shadows they cast on walls. When I was a kid, I would burn little tea-light candles almost every night.
53. One time I caught my book shelf on fire by leaving a candle burning while I was out on the balcony of my mom's old apartment.
54. I moved a good bit as a kid, but the home I grew up the most in (on Knowles Road) we moved out of when my parents divorced...the new family moving in was of a girl in my class and I became extremely jealous of her and always held that against her throughout the rest of my school years.
55. Before we moved out, I signed my name in my bedroom closet with a Sharpie marker really small in the corner. I wonder if its still there.
56. This morning I did a little shopping at Rite-Aid..I put 75% off clearance stickers on half of the stuff I bought that I took off of other items..it worked but now I feel a little guilty! (I saved over 17 bucks!)
57. I have a really bad stereotype against cops that I need to work on.
58. I like to reminisce about the past a little too much.
59. I'm dying to get another tattoo, but forcing myself to wait until I'm sure of what I want.
60. My sister is coming home for spring break next wednesday and I'm really excited to hang out with her! (and Em of course!!)
61. I've never cracked my fingers but one of my friends always does it for me and I freak out.
62. I have been having a recurring dream about a guy wearing a red shirt/red baseball cap driving a red car and his name is Jason. I don't know any Jasons though!
63. M.A.S.H. was always a big show in my house..my dad and his dad both love the show. My grandfather even has a big M.A.S.H. poster framed in his bedroom!
64. I had a beta fish named Tupac who turned evil after I forgot to feed him a few times..or a week.. but anyways, our relationship was so bad that I had to give him to my roommate to keep.
65. I really like singing and wish I had a better voice.
66. I hate having cold feet and hands!
67. Last night I was at the Abington YMCA and tons of old memories rushed back to me of old winter rallies.
68. The other night at work I balanced my boss's check book. Strange? I think..
69. I LOVE boats but have a huge fear of the ocean. The fear has more to do with waves than the ocean itself.
70. When I was 13, I saw a girl run out of the ocean with a huge jelly-fish covering her whole face.
71. Weird things happen to me and my family on a regular basis. Really weird things.
72. I love sports and miss playing one.
73. I get really irritated when there isn't anything good to listen to in the car.
74. My bellybutton ring fell out a few weeks ago and I didn't buy a new one because I feel like I grew out of it.
75. I'm very picky about what I put on my set of keys. The only things other than keys that are on the rings are a leather keychain Nick Fortunatus bought for me in Capri, Italy, the keychain I gave out for my last vesper, and a silver whistle Nick Wood gave me my senior year.
76. I know a good bit about music thanks to my Dad.
77. I'm craving a bobby- for those of you who don't know its a thanksgiving hoagie with turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce!
78. My middle name is Amanda, but when I meet Amandas I never think of that.
79. I'm not worried about getting older...I think of all the fun things like cooking big Thanksgiving dinners for my extended family (see- cant get thanksgiving food off my mind!!)
80. I get irritated easily and am trying to work on that.
81. It scares my cat when i crack my back because its so loud.
82. Lavender is one of my favorite scents.
83. One of my biggest weaknesses has to do with E.L. Fudge cookies. And now they make them double-stuffed!
84. I'm a very observant person and usually notice when someone in my class got their hair cut, a new bag, etc.
85. Mr. Smith, my junior year English teacher, was one of the best teachers I've ever had even though I hated the class.
86. In the 80's, America was ranked 3rd for having the smartest population in the world. Since then, we've dropped all the way back to 18th. I know thats not a fact about me but I think a lot about why that is.
87. I'm about to dye my hair out of a box (which I got on sale thanks to those clearance stickers! ha)
88. I usually really like cafeteria or hospital food and lucky for me I'm meeting my mom at Riddle today to have lunch! haha
89. I'm still very very bitter about whoever stole my iPod..AT PACAA. If your out there- it is greatly missed and Karma will be after you.
90. My favorite colors to wear are navy, brown and black. I don't like wearing colors.
91. I think ivory is the most beautiful color for a dress. I can't imagine when I have to pick out my wedding dress..its going to take months.
92. I love Girl Scout cookies!
93. There is some kind of freedom I always feel while being in the air on a plane.
94. I don't like the way my voice sounds recorded or on the phone.
95. I really like my first name. I think it fits me well and I might use it as a middle name if I have a daughter someday.
96. My pinky/ring finger nails are stronger than the rest and always long while the other ones barely have any white.
97. Every day I find something in nature to appreciate. We live in a beautiful world.
98. I don't like to text unless I'm super bored...I'd much rather talk on the phone.
99. I have a huge obsession with Dunkin Donuts and cant wait to try the new waffle bacon egg and cheese sandwhich!!
100. One of my favorite quotes comes from a Styx song, "Just remember that it's a grand illusion and deep inside we're all the same." called The Grand Illusion. Its a classic but check it out if you don't know it!
101. I'm really proud of the fact that it only took me two tries to complete this because I get bored very easily!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
42 c
I know some people are really disappointed in me. I feel really ashamed. But at the same time, I've seen how many changes I've made in just the past two days and I'm really proud of myself. This is going to help me with self-improvement and to grow out of some old hobbies that had become more like habits. Crazy, crazy, thought. But maybe, I needed this?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
What A Week
"You're the only one
Who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space"
from Mariah Carey's Against All Odds
Tonight this song came on Pandora and I hadn't heard it in a really long time. I remember listening to this song years ago and singing it without even thinking about what the lyrics could mean. The singer can't face that their ex is never going to come back to them. That's not at all what has made me listen to this song on repeat all night...just the four lines I quoted up there. I couldn't think of how to put into words how I've been feeling about this situation I've been dealing with since the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. These words tell why I haven't slept at all. The first few nights I was still shocked that I was able to sleep some during the night. I have been awake since I woke up eleven in the morning on Sunday. It's now 3:46am on Wednesday.
"You're the only one who really knew me at all." He has been steadily in my life since the ninth grade. I got close to only a few girls in high school. What used to be my big group of best friends in middle school had been minimized to only two or three friends at a time. I couldn't manage a social life and a boyfriend and I didn't want to because I was experiencing "love" for the first time and wanted nothing more than to engage it and make it stronger. He was the person who I thought knew me the best because he had been my friend and my boyfriend. He had seen every side of me. Whenever he did anything that made me mad at him, he reminded me we needed it each other because we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. I believed it.
"So take a look at me now 'cause there's just an empty space." He told me on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving that he never loved me or truly cared about me but kept me around because I was the most vulnerable. Those words are what put me into shock for the first few days. Now, all I feel is empty. For all of those years I thought he knew me better than I knew myself and maybe he did, but I had no idea who he was. Someone who I thought was a big part of me suddenly became a complete stranger and made me feel violated and hollow. It made me realize that he never let me find out who I AM not who WE are.
My computer's battery has two minutes left on it or I would probably write more. Oh well, maybe I can sleep now.
It's time to find me.
Who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space"
from Mariah Carey's Against All Odds
Tonight this song came on Pandora and I hadn't heard it in a really long time. I remember listening to this song years ago and singing it without even thinking about what the lyrics could mean. The singer can't face that their ex is never going to come back to them. That's not at all what has made me listen to this song on repeat all night...just the four lines I quoted up there. I couldn't think of how to put into words how I've been feeling about this situation I've been dealing with since the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. These words tell why I haven't slept at all. The first few nights I was still shocked that I was able to sleep some during the night. I have been awake since I woke up eleven in the morning on Sunday. It's now 3:46am on Wednesday.
"You're the only one who really knew me at all." He has been steadily in my life since the ninth grade. I got close to only a few girls in high school. What used to be my big group of best friends in middle school had been minimized to only two or three friends at a time. I couldn't manage a social life and a boyfriend and I didn't want to because I was experiencing "love" for the first time and wanted nothing more than to engage it and make it stronger. He was the person who I thought knew me the best because he had been my friend and my boyfriend. He had seen every side of me. Whenever he did anything that made me mad at him, he reminded me we needed it each other because we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. I believed it.
"So take a look at me now 'cause there's just an empty space." He told me on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving that he never loved me or truly cared about me but kept me around because I was the most vulnerable. Those words are what put me into shock for the first few days. Now, all I feel is empty. For all of those years I thought he knew me better than I knew myself and maybe he did, but I had no idea who he was. Someone who I thought was a big part of me suddenly became a complete stranger and made me feel violated and hollow. It made me realize that he never let me find out who I AM not who WE are.
My computer's battery has two minutes left on it or I would probably write more. Oh well, maybe I can sleep now.
It's time to find me.
Monday, December 1, 2008
the end of an all-nighter
i'm pretty tired right now seeing as its 6am and i haven't slept yet. kristina and i stayed up doing homework all night and there is no point in sleeping now. i couldn't even if i tried.
i'm not up for explaining everything that happened over the past week because it is too complicated with too much of a history behind it. i don't think i'll ever be able to write down everything. its just too much and i can't even believe i can remember so many things about our relationship because so much happened over six years. maybe i'll go more into detail later, but right now i don't want to think of any of that. thats how i spent my entire thanksgiving break.
recently i've been trying to get in touch with people i've lost touch with. earlier tonight a friend of mine, who i haven't seen in a year or so, drove from jersey to come see me. it was really good to see him and to see a new face around here. i also e-mailed a few people who i've been meaning to check on. i hate losing contact with people and letting relationships fade away. on saturday night we had some people over at our apartment and my friends from home- gill, meghan, kailyn and becca- came. i hadnt seen most of them in a really long time and it was really good to see them.
i have this week of classes and then finals start next week. i'm anxious to find out my grades for the semester and hoping that they are good enough to keep me here. i believe they will be. i can honestly say that this semester i worked my ass off. i'm just hoping that my grades are good enough to bring my gpa up since im on academic probation. if they aren't, how mad can i be at myself? i tried my best during a very hard 4 months for my family and i just have to hope for the best from here on out. i'm trying to be optimistic now by believing that i'll still be here in the spring and not even considering any other options. if by chance i find out i can't come back, i'll deal with it then.
thankfully i don't have to work until wednesday so i can catch up on my sleep. its really common for me to spend my "free time" sleeping or taking a nap because its been hard to get papers/work done early when i work weeknights. work is going well, though. i'm probably going to live at my apartment up here for most of winter break because i can pick up a lot of hours and save up for next semester. i really would like to/need to do that.
alright, not much else to update on right now. i've been looking at a computer screen all night and thats getting old..
i'm not up for explaining everything that happened over the past week because it is too complicated with too much of a history behind it. i don't think i'll ever be able to write down everything. its just too much and i can't even believe i can remember so many things about our relationship because so much happened over six years. maybe i'll go more into detail later, but right now i don't want to think of any of that. thats how i spent my entire thanksgiving break.
recently i've been trying to get in touch with people i've lost touch with. earlier tonight a friend of mine, who i haven't seen in a year or so, drove from jersey to come see me. it was really good to see him and to see a new face around here. i also e-mailed a few people who i've been meaning to check on. i hate losing contact with people and letting relationships fade away. on saturday night we had some people over at our apartment and my friends from home- gill, meghan, kailyn and becca- came. i hadnt seen most of them in a really long time and it was really good to see them.
i have this week of classes and then finals start next week. i'm anxious to find out my grades for the semester and hoping that they are good enough to keep me here. i believe they will be. i can honestly say that this semester i worked my ass off. i'm just hoping that my grades are good enough to bring my gpa up since im on academic probation. if they aren't, how mad can i be at myself? i tried my best during a very hard 4 months for my family and i just have to hope for the best from here on out. i'm trying to be optimistic now by believing that i'll still be here in the spring and not even considering any other options. if by chance i find out i can't come back, i'll deal with it then.
thankfully i don't have to work until wednesday so i can catch up on my sleep. its really common for me to spend my "free time" sleeping or taking a nap because its been hard to get papers/work done early when i work weeknights. work is going well, though. i'm probably going to live at my apartment up here for most of winter break because i can pick up a lot of hours and save up for next semester. i really would like to/need to do that.
alright, not much else to update on right now. i've been looking at a computer screen all night and thats getting old..
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
New Post Finally
It's been a long time since I've made a post. I've been busy but also not really in the mood to write. A lot has been going on and I haven't been up to writing about it but I'm sort of in the mood to write tonight.
Earlier tonight, well, technically last night since its 5am, I found out something that's really disturbing me. I'm trying my hardest not to think about it because I have a lot to do and don't need anything bringing me down but every song that's been coming on pandora (my favorite web-site: pandora.com, awesome radio) has reminded me of it. And I feel like I need to just talk about it. I never do...I hate talking about what's on my mind when I have stuff to do but I can't get it done until it is off of my mind. I just don't know how someone who used to love you can be so thoughtless and hurtful now even if it is over. I'm coming to the final end of a very drawn out dysfunctional relationship. Its been drawn out for so long over many different lies which I think is why it has worn down to nothing. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt. It's been hard for a while.
I was beginning my paper tonight and looked at the date on my computer. It was after midnight so it said November 18th. My heart dropped as I realized tomorrow is November 19th. That day will forever be etched into my mind since its the day that we lost Liam. When it had been one year, I was left alone after being ditched by the person I was just talking about in the last paragraph. When it had been two years, I was lucky enough to have good friends in my dorm and they spent the day with me and even decorated my dorm room with uplifting quotes and pictures. This year, I have no clue what I am going to do. I am thankful that I didn't realize until now that it was coming up because now I don't have anxiety building up to it. I would like to celebrate Liam's life tomorrow night somehow. I think of him so much and even included him in a speech on what has affected me in becoming a social worker last week. Maybe I'll make a post on that sometime because I could've done my whole speech on how Liam has influenced the major I choose and my life. I miss him so much. My memory is horrible and I'm realizing I'm already losing some memories I used to have of him. They are just more fuzzy and I hate it. I need to start writing all of my memories with him down so I don't forget anything else.
I have been trying to write this paper since midnight. It's been five hours. I have been on the computer almost the entire time and I can't get anything done. My paper is not hard to write because its for my social work class and those papers are usually easy for me. And its not that I'm sad because I of who I was talking about earlier or because tomorrow is Nov. 19th, I'm really not feeling that down or upset. I'm just thinking about how fast time goes and how quickly life changes. Looking back on my junior year of high school which was really only two and half years ago, my life has changed dramatically. Some changes have been for the better and some for the worst, but this is just where my life has brought me. Kristina and I were talking about how what we've been though in just the past few years and how much life has changed. I think I'm realizing that I'm in the real world now, too. This song came on my station on pandora and I've been listening to it on repeat a lot tonight. It's by my favorite female R&B artist, Mariah Carey. Music has always been a part of me and I attribute a lot of memories to songs that I listened then.
Here is a clip of lyrics to that Mariah Carey song:
"When you get caught in the rain
With nowhere to run
When you’re distraught
And in pain without anyone
When we keep crying out
To be safe
But nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
you can get there alone
it's okay
once you say:
'I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain'
And if you keep falling down
Don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail
And when the wind blows
And shadows grow close
Don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face"
Her voice is so strong and I feel like the lyrics empower me. Right now its 5:30 am and I have class from 11am-2 tomorrow then work after that. It doesn't look like I'll be sleeping because I have to write this paper now but I don't really mind.
Hopefully I'll be able to update again soon because a lot of good things are happening in my life too! My mom is doing so well and I am so happy! I saw her last night, I brought Erin, Kristina and Melissa down for dinner with her. She was lonely because Kristen was visiting friends this week so i was glad we got to visit her! She made chicken parm and it was great! She also looks so awesome, and I'm so happy. She is also very happy in the new house and I love it there too. I couldn't be happier with the new place! Also, I've been working at the sala.dworks in town and its been working out really well. My schedule never conflicts with class and they are pretty flexible with taking off. I also like the people I work with which is nice. Okay, I need to stop updating and write this paper before I'm not in the mood to write anymore. :)
Earlier tonight, well, technically last night since its 5am, I found out something that's really disturbing me. I'm trying my hardest not to think about it because I have a lot to do and don't need anything bringing me down but every song that's been coming on pandora (my favorite web-site: pandora.com, awesome radio) has reminded me of it. And I feel like I need to just talk about it. I never do...I hate talking about what's on my mind when I have stuff to do but I can't get it done until it is off of my mind. I just don't know how someone who used to love you can be so thoughtless and hurtful now even if it is over. I'm coming to the final end of a very drawn out dysfunctional relationship. Its been drawn out for so long over many different lies which I think is why it has worn down to nothing. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt. It's been hard for a while.
I was beginning my paper tonight and looked at the date on my computer. It was after midnight so it said November 18th. My heart dropped as I realized tomorrow is November 19th. That day will forever be etched into my mind since its the day that we lost Liam. When it had been one year, I was left alone after being ditched by the person I was just talking about in the last paragraph. When it had been two years, I was lucky enough to have good friends in my dorm and they spent the day with me and even decorated my dorm room with uplifting quotes and pictures. This year, I have no clue what I am going to do. I am thankful that I didn't realize until now that it was coming up because now I don't have anxiety building up to it. I would like to celebrate Liam's life tomorrow night somehow. I think of him so much and even included him in a speech on what has affected me in becoming a social worker last week. Maybe I'll make a post on that sometime because I could've done my whole speech on how Liam has influenced the major I choose and my life. I miss him so much. My memory is horrible and I'm realizing I'm already losing some memories I used to have of him. They are just more fuzzy and I hate it. I need to start writing all of my memories with him down so I don't forget anything else.
I have been trying to write this paper since midnight. It's been five hours. I have been on the computer almost the entire time and I can't get anything done. My paper is not hard to write because its for my social work class and those papers are usually easy for me. And its not that I'm sad because I of who I was talking about earlier or because tomorrow is Nov. 19th, I'm really not feeling that down or upset. I'm just thinking about how fast time goes and how quickly life changes. Looking back on my junior year of high school which was really only two and half years ago, my life has changed dramatically. Some changes have been for the better and some for the worst, but this is just where my life has brought me. Kristina and I were talking about how what we've been though in just the past few years and how much life has changed. I think I'm realizing that I'm in the real world now, too. This song came on my station on pandora and I've been listening to it on repeat a lot tonight. It's by my favorite female R&B artist, Mariah Carey. Music has always been a part of me and I attribute a lot of memories to songs that I listened then.
Here is a clip of lyrics to that Mariah Carey song:
"When you get caught in the rain
With nowhere to run
When you’re distraught
And in pain without anyone
When we keep crying out
To be safe
But nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
you can get there alone
it's okay
once you say:
'I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain'
And if you keep falling down
Don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail
And when the wind blows
And shadows grow close
Don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face"
Her voice is so strong and I feel like the lyrics empower me. Right now its 5:30 am and I have class from 11am-2 tomorrow then work after that. It doesn't look like I'll be sleeping because I have to write this paper now but I don't really mind.
Hopefully I'll be able to update again soon because a lot of good things are happening in my life too! My mom is doing so well and I am so happy! I saw her last night, I brought Erin, Kristina and Melissa down for dinner with her. She was lonely because Kristen was visiting friends this week so i was glad we got to visit her! She made chicken parm and it was great! She also looks so awesome, and I'm so happy. She is also very happy in the new house and I love it there too. I couldn't be happier with the new place! Also, I've been working at the sala.dworks in town and its been working out really well. My schedule never conflicts with class and they are pretty flexible with taking off. I also like the people I work with which is nice. Okay, I need to stop updating and write this paper before I'm not in the mood to write anymore. :)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Really Scary
www.keatingeconomics.com
Check out the video on the website above. If you haven't heard of the keating five yet, you will by tomorrow because the Obama campaign just released it. Pass it on to as many people as you can. It's important for all voters to see what kind of international economic crisis McCain would be putting our world in. He admits that he is "not good" with economics but really, I think he just tries to avoid the economy all together because he knows if he gets someone else to deal with it/speak about it, maybe his corrupt past won't come up. (Too late.) And you can get away with a hell of a lot more if you have someone else speaking for you who doesn't have ties to one of the biggest scandals in our country's history.
I'm really glad the Obama campaign is releasing this now. Everyone thinks McCain is the good guy and Palin is just his evil running mate but now the truths are coming out about McCain and I'm realizing that we CANNOT have him running our country. Its not only Sarah Palin that worries me now, its McCain himself. I'm praying that America will see how much McCain will cause our economy to collapse (more than it already is) because I might have to leave the country if he becomes president.
Check out the video on the website above. If you haven't heard of the keating five yet, you will by tomorrow because the Obama campaign just released it. Pass it on to as many people as you can. It's important for all voters to see what kind of international economic crisis McCain would be putting our world in. He admits that he is "not good" with economics but really, I think he just tries to avoid the economy all together because he knows if he gets someone else to deal with it/speak about it, maybe his corrupt past won't come up. (Too late.) And you can get away with a hell of a lot more if you have someone else speaking for you who doesn't have ties to one of the biggest scandals in our country's history.
I'm really glad the Obama campaign is releasing this now. Everyone thinks McCain is the good guy and Palin is just his evil running mate but now the truths are coming out about McCain and I'm realizing that we CANNOT have him running our country. Its not only Sarah Palin that worries me now, its McCain himself. I'm praying that America will see how much McCain will cause our economy to collapse (more than it already is) because I might have to leave the country if he becomes president.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Ramblings
Every day I'm reminded that America is not nice. You stop a little faster to let someone turn in front of you because there's a huge line of cars behind you, and two cars honk unnecessarily and speed off on the side of your car. And when you hold the door for four people who are all in a hurry, and not one says thank you, its a little discouraging to be so nice. When all you want to do is just go on a ride in the valley and relax, but you're being followed by a beat-up truck on your ass with some redneck pissed off you're doing the speed limit, its hard to relax.
I was just rambling. Its been a long day. I got screwed over a lot and it's hard not to feel like the world's out to get me. But, still, I did three hours of work tonight and I feel good about it. I really want/need to do well this semester.
I was just rambling. Its been a long day. I got screwed over a lot and it's hard not to feel like the world's out to get me. But, still, I did three hours of work tonight and I feel good about it. I really want/need to do well this semester.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Why I Hate Politics.
McCain picked his running mate today. She's been a governor in Alaska for two years. She describes herself as "the average hockey mom". I read this in the New York Times article about McCain's choice for vice president:
Then, making an explicit appeal to Ms. Clinton’s disappointed supporters, she said, “It turns out that the women in America aren’t finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling.”
What the fuck. This is why I hate politics. Its so corrupt. McCain knows damn well that he only picked her because shes a woman and she will appeal to all of Clinton's old supporters who REFUSE to support Obama because they are so die-hard about Hillary. I'm so angry because its threatening to Obama's lead and so extremely obvious that he only picked her because of her gender. If this weren't such a diverse race, McCain would've gone with anyone but a woman. I hope that Clinton's fans are offended by this and do not give in to McCain's plan of wooing them with his beautiful, "average", middle-aged vice president. I just looked up some info on her and even if she were fairly picked, I wouldn't think she's ready. She has no international experience and hasn't been involved in higher politics for very long. This is a joke.
Then, making an explicit appeal to Ms. Clinton’s disappointed supporters, she said, “It turns out that the women in America aren’t finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling.”
What the fuck. This is why I hate politics. Its so corrupt. McCain knows damn well that he only picked her because shes a woman and she will appeal to all of Clinton's old supporters who REFUSE to support Obama because they are so die-hard about Hillary. I'm so angry because its threatening to Obama's lead and so extremely obvious that he only picked her because of her gender. If this weren't such a diverse race, McCain would've gone with anyone but a woman. I hope that Clinton's fans are offended by this and do not give in to McCain's plan of wooing them with his beautiful, "average", middle-aged vice president. I just looked up some info on her and even if she were fairly picked, I wouldn't think she's ready. She has no international experience and hasn't been involved in higher politics for very long. This is a joke.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Don't Ask Why
Ask What.
So I came home from PACAA and was given some of the worst news I could imagine receiving. I don't want to go into specifics because I'm not too sure who reads this and not many people have been told yet. But I was devastated. I cried my heart out on the phone with Gill and then Sean called right after I hung up and came over without asking or me telling him to. We sat on the benches that are by the pool and he held me while I cried in disbelief.
One of the first things I said to him was, "I just don't understand why this is happening. She doesn't deserve this, our family has done so much to try and make things better and I just don't know why this would happen when everything was finally starting to get better." Sean answered that with, "You can't ask 'Why?' but 'What?' By asking 'What?' the situation becomes all that much less frustrating and you can start looking in a better direction."
So today I started looking at what I can do. Its helped, too. Even though I don't know exactly what we're going to do, I feel better than I looked into it.
Tonight I'm going to Chestertown with my Mom. Kristen is already down there. I guess I'm going to end this here. I don't really know what else I can say.
So I came home from PACAA and was given some of the worst news I could imagine receiving. I don't want to go into specifics because I'm not too sure who reads this and not many people have been told yet. But I was devastated. I cried my heart out on the phone with Gill and then Sean called right after I hung up and came over without asking or me telling him to. We sat on the benches that are by the pool and he held me while I cried in disbelief.
One of the first things I said to him was, "I just don't understand why this is happening. She doesn't deserve this, our family has done so much to try and make things better and I just don't know why this would happen when everything was finally starting to get better." Sean answered that with, "You can't ask 'Why?' but 'What?' By asking 'What?' the situation becomes all that much less frustrating and you can start looking in a better direction."
So today I started looking at what I can do. Its helped, too. Even though I don't know exactly what we're going to do, I feel better than I looked into it.
Tonight I'm going to Chestertown with my Mom. Kristen is already down there. I guess I'm going to end this here. I don't really know what else I can say.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Look At All The Lonely People
When I was younger, my favorite song was Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles. I remember listening to it on a tape (ha!) on repeat. I had no clue what it was about or how depressing it is. I think its kind of funny to look back on.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
With My Arms Out To My Side
Life can be pretty...unexpected? shocking? I'm sort of at a loss for words right now.
The past three weeks have been the best weeks that I've had in the past ten months, at least. I don't know if it always shows on the outside, but I constantly feel happy and excited to be alive. It can mostly be attributed to Sean, who I haven't talked about much on here. I don't think I've ever met another person who has a perspective on life that is so similar to mine and for similar reasons. It didn't take long for me to pick up on that part of him because he communicates so well, another really important thing to me. I could go on but it just comes down to the fact that he makes me so happy. He motivates me to want to go back to West Chester this fall and work my ass off. No one, not even myself, could do that before. Its pretty amazing.
I don't know how to say this because bad things are always harder for me to put into words. We received some bad news that has me really worried. I was told last night and still haven't soaked in the shock. My head is so confused. I'm used to being so content and worry-free now, so its strange to feel such sadness.
I like to look at this as a blessing. If I were in the state I was still in when I left school this past Spring, or even in the beginning of June when I still didn't feel back to myself, I don't think I would be able to look at the bad news with much light. I like to think that if there is such thing as fate, a guardian angel or a higher power, that it was planned to send me these extreme emotions on separate ends of the spectrum because they will balance each other out. Because if nothing bad ever happened, the good things would lose their worth. There cannot be right without wrong, good without bad. Balance is everything.
The past three weeks have been the best weeks that I've had in the past ten months, at least. I don't know if it always shows on the outside, but I constantly feel happy and excited to be alive. It can mostly be attributed to Sean, who I haven't talked about much on here. I don't think I've ever met another person who has a perspective on life that is so similar to mine and for similar reasons. It didn't take long for me to pick up on that part of him because he communicates so well, another really important thing to me. I could go on but it just comes down to the fact that he makes me so happy. He motivates me to want to go back to West Chester this fall and work my ass off. No one, not even myself, could do that before. Its pretty amazing.
I don't know how to say this because bad things are always harder for me to put into words. We received some bad news that has me really worried. I was told last night and still haven't soaked in the shock. My head is so confused. I'm used to being so content and worry-free now, so its strange to feel such sadness.
I like to look at this as a blessing. If I were in the state I was still in when I left school this past Spring, or even in the beginning of June when I still didn't feel back to myself, I don't think I would be able to look at the bad news with much light. I like to think that if there is such thing as fate, a guardian angel or a higher power, that it was planned to send me these extreme emotions on separate ends of the spectrum because they will balance each other out. Because if nothing bad ever happened, the good things would lose their worth. There cannot be right without wrong, good without bad. Balance is everything.
Friday, July 11, 2008
BRETT DENNEN!
I LOVE SUMMER! Last night me, Gill, Kristen, Sean and Matt saw the Brett Dennen/John Mayer/Colbie Caillat concert! We really only wanted to see Brett Dennen but John Mayer turned out to be pretty amazing. Last time I saw him I wasn't as impressed but he covered so many amazing songs and jammed out a lot more. It was awesome! So many hilarious things happened... Kristen bought two beers and brought them back and handed me one. Right as I was sipping it, two security guards came over and said, "We're gonna need to see some ID". Being wasted, I turned to Kristen and said, "Kristen hand me your wallet." So she opened it up and showed me where her driver's license was. I took it out, handed it to the guy and he stared at it for a few seconds, handed it to his partner who nodded his head and said, "You're good. Enjoy." Then we all started rolling on the grass laughing as I chugged half of my "legal" beer. hahaha The concert was amazing! I had such a good time with people I love.
The picture at the top is obviously from Post Secret. I liked it a lot!
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