Traveling

Kristen told me I need to update so I'm taking a few minutes to do so...

Life has been crazy. This past month has been a rollercoaster for me. I got some really really great news concerning my health at the beginning of the month. Towards the middle there was a lot of excitement with going back to west chester and some sadness in leaving my friends at home. And now, at the end of the month, my life is so hectic!

Hopefully February will go by fast and then March will be here and Sammy and I will be on our way to Cozumel/Beliz! I'm so excited and ready for the biggest trip I've ever been on. I've only been out of the country once, and it was a day trip into Mexico because my Aunt Robin lived right over the border in Texas. So, I feel like this is my first time really leaving the country and I couldn't be happier! One of my biggest fears is dying without seeing enough of the world. I want to see everything. There is so much out there; its beyond my comprehension. This trip will be the beginning of my traveling and hopefully there will be much more to come. Becca and I were talking last night about planning a trip for junior year to backpack across Europe. I would absolutely love to do that. I don't want to stay in four-star hotels or pay to go to all of the well-known tourist attractions. I want to discover and explore on my own. I also don't have the money to be an average tourist but I think it would be more fun to rough it. If I could guarantee one thing that would happen before I die it would be to explore every continent thoroughly. (except maybe Antarctica) but I'd still like to go!

Sorry if this post is boring.. I guess the main reason why I haven't been updating is because I've been writing in my real journal a lot lately. Some of the things I wanted to post about on here I was afraid to because I know people read this and they were really personal. I wish I could be completely open on here but I have no clue who reads this or if it will change their perception of me. And so...the boring posts will continue. :) Maybe someday I'll find something interesting to talk about that is appropriate for cyber-space and for all those weirdos that I don't know who are reading this! haha

Written Horribly But With Heart

My godmother, Marianna, passed away from cancer this past fall. I saw her a week before she went and we talked about old memories. I had to leave the room a few times because I would start to cry and didn't want her to see me like that. I knew that was going to be the last time I saw her. Before I left the room I looked into her eyes and tried so hard to make the goodbye as good as it could possibly be. I've experienced losing people with no chance of saying goodbye, and that has always been the hardest part. But being put in the situation, where I knew it was the final goodbye, may have been harder because you have to walk away from that person who is still alive knowing that the last double take you do will be the last time you will see them, ever.

There was a Christmas present I hadn't opened yet. It was still in the trunk of my mom's car from Christmas and I just brought it in tonight. The gifts were dropped off by my Aunt Lauren to my grandparents house. We opened the box tonight and inside were three boxes and a letter. The letter was from Aunt Lauren saying that Marianna had made these three pieces of jewelry for my mom, Kristen and I. Mine is a necklace with brown and turquiose beads which are my two favorite colors together. Months after I said goodbye to her, months after the funeral, I received a gift from her. It blows my mind. Marianna made beautiful jewelry.

While I felt like my whole life was falling apart and my emotions were running low, a very special angel sent me a gift on the day I needed it most.

Old Traditions (and new!) I Never Want To Forget

Christmas eve was always a magical night for me when I was younger. On the ride home from church every year I would swear I saw Santa's sled in the sky. Then when we got out, I would tell Dad to listen really hard to hear the jingling bells on the sleigh. He would turn one ear to the sky, get a inquisitive look on his face then look down at me with a smile on his face and say, "I hear it." Christmas eve was always more exciting for me than Christmas day.

One year on Christmas eve when I was no older than four or five, Dad went up in the bathroom while Kristen and I helped Mom with the cookies in the kitchen. Really, we were just licking the extra dough off of the spoons she used and making a mess with sprinkles and icing. Anyway, this year, Dad yelled from the upstairs bathroom, "Kristen and Kelsey...come here! I have a surprise for you!" So, as any four and six year olds would do, we darted out of the kitchen, raced up the stairs and jumped into the bathroom in front of Dad, just to see something we never expected. Dad had shaved off all of his facial hair, including the red mustache he had all of the years we had been alive. I looked in the sink and saw a pile of wirey hairs, then looked at Dad's face, no longer recognizing the once hairy man who was now only skin. Kristen and I, both shocked and scared of this man who looked nothing like our Dad, screamed and ran down the stairs faster than we had run up them. At this point we were crying and hiding behind Mom's legs, saying how scared we were of Dad. Mom had no idea what he had done until he walked downstairs with his head hung low, disappointed by our reaction. She took a quick glance at him and let out a loud "HA!" and said, "Girls, he shaved his face!" Dad sweet talked us until we came out from behind her and he picked me up. I touched his soft cheek, moved my fingers down to his chin then to his upper lip. I had never even realized that under all of that hair he had skin! I smiled with amazement at the smooth face I was looking at.

After that night, it became a tradition for Dad to shave his facial hair every Christmas eve. Every year Kristen and I would wait around downstairs until he finished shaving then act suprised when he came down, bare as a baby's bottom. We would climb in his lap and feel the soft face we had waited for all year.

Ever since we were little, on Christmas eve Kristen and I would get to pick one present under the tree to open. Mom learned the hard way that letting us pick which one we wanted to open was a bad idea. One year Kristen got a pair of socks while I got a really pretty bracelet. I bragged out of excitement about how beautiful my bracelet was while Kristen solemnly stretched out the socks that had kittens wearing Santa hats on them. After that, Mom began to pick the presents so they were of equal value. One year we got pajamas. Mine were silk and had yellow rubber duckies on them. The silk made my legs itch for some reason, but I wore the pajamas all night and Christmas morning anyway.

Another Christmas eve tradition which was started in more recent years, is that Mom, Kristen and I go to Romeos. One year after the church service we were extremely hungry and knew the only place open at 8:00 on Christmas eve would be Romeos. So we went there, ate our italian food and laughed at how empty all of Branmar Plaza was, while we three crazy girls were happily eating our fast food.

This year, though, has not been the traditional Christmas eve. We went to Romeo's at 5:45 just to learn that they closed in fifteen minutes. And so, for the first year in five, we got the food to go and ate it at home. Also, Kristen and I didn't go to the Christmas eve service with Mom. Her and James went while we went to Meghan's house for their Christmas party. Then, when we came home, Mom and James were baking cookies in the kitchen. I helped out a little, but the kitchen is barely made for two. And so, Kristen and I sat back and played Brain Age and Jetman like the dorks we are. James made cookies that were made from sour cream. They had just finished baking all of their special pistachio, walnuts and sour cream cookies when I realized that's not what we usually make for Christmas. So I demanded we make the original peanut butter cookies with the criss-cross markings in the center. I guess you could say I'm traditional. Honestly, though, I think I'm just scared of losing the feeling I got on Christmas eve when I was younger. I never want that magical feeling to go away. And now, as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that it won't. Old traditions may go, like Dad shaving his beard, and new traditions may come, like a change up in cookies, but that Christmas eve feeling that can't be felt on any other night but December 24th, it will never, ever go away. And plus, I think its good to make new traditions. It creates more memories, and to me, memories are the best Christmas gift I could ever receive.


This is just one of the millions of pictures Kristen and I took on photo booth tonight. I picked this one because we only had a few with Mom. We will always be the three crazy girls with the only car in the parking lot at the italian restaurant on Christmas eve. :)

December Is My Favorite Month

Although there is never a good time for bad news, I feel that it is best to find out around Christmas time. I'm listening to Christmas songs, with only one lamp on in the room, sipping on hot chocolate and bundled up in warm clothes. I can't be sad about anything right now because nothing beats a relaxing December night.

I'm excited to decorate our tree, decorate the apartment and be with my family. My emotions are very high right now. I caught a glimpse of a commercial earlier and it was family reuniting at Christmas. It made me start cry. Nick texted me telling me to smile and I read it right before starting my Spanish final. It made a few tears go down my cheek as well and normally I would just smile and be thankful for great friends. But now, everything makes me so emotional. Happy things, sad things, everything.

I'm cleaning out my room right now and defrosting my fridge because I'm done my finals and going home soon!

Smile

Today has been awful. On top of the bad things that happened this morning, my back is hurting more than ever. My doctor's office closed early today so I don't get my prescription for pain killers until tomorrow.

BUT...I've realized after giving myself about an hour to feel sorry for myself, that there are many many people that are going through much worse things than me. And that this time in my life is just a little speed bump. I know everything will be okay. The most important thing is to keep smiling. :)

Clarification

For One More Day (the movie) was AWFUL and very disappointing. It was mostly because the actor who played Charlie was terrible and does not even deserve to be acting in a movie presented by Oprah.

Anyway, I need to start studying for finals.

For One More Day

This is one of my favorite post cards off of post secret. I just found it again and realized I have been taking a lot of days for granted lately.

Tonight the movie For One More Day is coming on. It was a book by Mitch Albom who is my favorite author by far. I loved the book and cried the whole way through it. I remember sitting in one of my 500 study halls senior year reading that book and trying to hide my face because I couldn't stop the tears. If you've never read it and don't want me to spoil it then skip the rest of this paragraph. Its a pretty complicated book but basically, the main character loses his Mom and in return becomes an alcoholic and loses his wife and kids. He gets trashed one night and decides to drive to his home town because he misses his mother. On the way he crashes his car while trying to get off of the exit to his home town. Somehow he walks away without a mark while his car is just a pile of metal. He walks the rest of the way to his house and then sees his mother in the baseball field where he used to play. At this point, I realized he must have been dreaming. He is given one last day to spend with his mother. At the end of the book you find out that he was actually unconscious and still trapped in his car...and that somewhere between life and death he was given the gift of a day with his mom. There are many other twists and turns and it is a great read.

I love this time of year. Christmas and snow just make me so happy. It makes me miss Christine and Liam a lot, though. I think everyone misses someone around the holidays. Another thing is that this will be the first Christmas I spend without a certain someone since EIGHTH GRADE. Its hard to believe and makes me feel really lonely but not because I miss him. I will just miss having someone to love during such a beautiful time of the year. I will miss walking around Media in the snow and dinner dates at Brodeur's or Iron Hill. BUT it's okay, because I will get to see my best friends when I go home and Sammy said she is visiting a lot over break so I know I'll but just fine. :)