November 13th

Exactly two years ago today was the last time I saw Liam. It was right around this time too because I had just gotten out of church. At this point, Liam had very dark circles under his eyes. He had gone blind in one of his eyes 4 months before and he could barely open the other one because it was so swollen. When I came over Liam was crying on the couch because he was in so much pain. I sat on the floor next to the couch and wished so badly that I could take the pain away from him. I prayed that his cancer could be transferred to my body and he would be healed. I lightly touched his back and he screamed. His whole body was hurting tremendously. Mrs. Kane wanted to take him out back because it was a beautiful day. Mr. Kane carried Liam out back and Liam had stopped crying. Mrs. Kane brought out Christmas music because they had celebrated Christmas early since they knew Liam would not make it to December 25th. Liam loved Christmas music too. Liam and Mrs. Kane layed down on the outside swing and I went upstairs to find Lamby and Moosey (Liam's stuffed lamb and moose). I found them and brought them down anxiously awaiting to see Liam smile. I gave them to him and Mrs. Kane told him that they were Lamby and Moosey. And Liam cried. It broke my heart in half. I wanted to make him smile and happy more than anything in the world. It was the only thing on my mind and my only goal in life at the time. I wanted to free Liam of the awful pain he felt, how his head felt like "its going to crack" - his words. But it was impossible.

Somehow I knew that was the last time I was going to see Liam. I knew subconsciously. Before I left I looked back at him atleast twenty times, back on the couch. I was waiting for my Mom to pick me back up from their house. Then I saw her car pull up and I got a knot in my stomach because I didn't want to stop looking at Liam. So I said goodbye and walked out of the door. Mrs. Kane was in the garage and I talked to her for a few minutes before I left. Slowly, Liam walked to the door. Mrs. Kane went to the door and picked him up to bring him outside. She was so happy that he had walked to the door. He wanted to be around people, Liam hated being alone. And so my Mom got out of the car once she saw Liam and came down the driveway. After we left, we were pulling away and the windows were down because I was saying goodbye to Mrs. Kane. Liam, now standing on their front step, said as loud as his weak body would let him, "Kelsey, I love you". And my Mom stopped the car as I shouted, "I love you too, Liam!" She pulled away quickly because I could no longer hold in my tears. The last words Liam ever said to me were Kelsey I love you. And I am so grateful to still have this memory. It makes me depressed but at the same time, very lucky.

I would do anything to hear him say those words again.