Superman

So today is the day I dread all year. November 19th is Liam's day and it is impossible to not have an aching heart. I know I've said this before, but it really does hurt. When I miss Liam (or Christine) my heart literally aches. It's such a strange thing.

I was trying to think of a way to make this post uplifting, and not sad. If I just rambled it would be very depressing, but today should be a celebration of Liam. One of the most powerful things that Liam still does is bring people together. At his services, people from all over the country came together. At the balloon release, Liam's family from California came, his teachers and classmates, his best friends, his entire extended family, people from church and co-workers of his parents...everyone came together and leaned on one another. The way he brings us together goes even deeper.

Liam brought me closer to my Dad. Ever since my parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, my Dad and I have grown apart. And I never anticipated it happening. I tried so hard to see my Dad and stay close with him. But then he became an out-of-control alcoholic and I couldn't go over to his house anymore. He would yell at me and drive me around drunk and I decided in highschool to stop going to his house. We hadn't really gotten closer after that. I felt like my Dad didn't know me anymore and that I had grown up without him. My Dad knew that November 19th was the day that Liam died and that it would be a hard day. He wrote me an e-mail expressing his concern and telling me he wanted to cook me my favorite food for dinner, salmon. In his e-mail he said "KELS, I WILL BE CHECKING IN A LITTLE MORE THAN USUAL THE NEXT TWO WEEKS IF YOU DO NOT MIND. I KNOW YOU WILL BE SUPER BUSY AND DO NOT WORRY ABOUT REPLYING. JUST TO SEND YOU A FEW NOTES FOR YOU TO READ IN YOUR LITTLE BIT OF SPARE TIME. HANG IN THERE AND BE TOUGH JUST LIKE LIAM WAS(AND IS)." He always write in CAPS.

My Dad and I have been talking a lot more and I'm starting to forgive him for things that he's done to me. And it's all because of Liam. He has saved my relationship with my Dad and I am thankful to have my Dad back in my life more than he has been the past 7 years.

Liam doesn't know how much of a teacher he was to us all. That's what makes him even more amazing. I miss Liam more than anything right now. I miss making him smile and laugh because he deserved to be the happiest boy on the planet. Liam was such a strong boy for 5 years old.

I'll never forget what Alli, his little sister, said when she was in Liam's garden. She said, "If you look really hard up into the sky, you can see his angel wings." It brings tears to my eyes that a four year old girl could think that. She is right, somedays I stare up at the sky and think of Liam. And all of a sudden I feel him next to me. He is still here, we just can't see him, only feel him.

Dear Liam,
I miss you so much, little buddy. I'm sorry I didn't send you balloons today. I just wasn't up for it, but I promise you will be getting a nice letter and some orange balloons soon! Thank you for being my daily inspiration. I don't know what I would do without you, still. Even though you're in Heaven now, I know I still can draw from your strength and get through anything. You're always by our sides.
I love you, Superman.